Saturday, July 19, 2003

Well, I tried to post twice, and lost it twice - I think I am hitting the 'forward' button on my super duper mouse, because I get this message saying 'Save or cancel', and whichever I hit I seem to lose it.

Anyway, it's been a funny okd week. The X has been here - sometimes fun, sometimes stressful. Very weird moment in the bar when he got there - he was an hour late because there had been a problem with his flight, so i had spent the prior 30 minutes watching the door. In the end I gave up, and picked up my book, and 2 minutes I felt a tap on my back, and there was my X. I jumped off my stool, gave him a big hug and kiss, turned round to come face to face with Will, who had also walked in during that 2 minutes. Eek!

We sat and had a few drinks, had some food, then my friend Nancy turned up and he gave her a big hug too. He was annoying me a little - he just seems to expect us to fall straight back into the same old pattern - and it is very easy to do, but I try and fight it. He just expects it. Seems Will had seen - not sure whether he was jealous or not, but I stopped and spoke to him on one of my trips to the loo, and he asked who the bloke was - not really sure how I feel about that.

I was wearing a new top - well, I bought it last year, but it was the first time i wore it and it was a great hit in a bitchy sort of way! It is denim, sleeveless, and doesn't have buttons but has a zip! I was also wearing a plunge bra to give me an enormous cleavage - I knew it would drive the X mad. And it did. He made a comment the next day about me not wearing a bra - I asked why he thought I wasn't (quite a compliment really to think my tits can defy gravity that much) and he said he had been trying to look down my top to see the bra. Seems he had spent the whole night looking bown my cleavage! Going back to that bar tonight - maybe I will wear that top again......

X spent a lot of money while he was here - I had forgotten how cheap things seem when you visit from the UK. We only had one major argument - he wants me to tell him what to by and wear and do - and that is not my job anymore. On Tuesday we had been doing a lot of shopping and he kept asking me what I thought, and I kept saying it was up to him. I think it was getting on his nerves. But I am annoyed - when we first started going out he had no dress sense, and his mother used to dress him. I always thought I hadn't taken over that job - I used to try and guide him, and teach him what looked good and what didn't and what was fashionable and what was a complete no-no. Seems I was wrong - without me he has no clue and buys a lot of beige! Anyway, had spent the day trying my hardest not to tell him what he should and shouldn't buy, and I think he was getting annoyed. We ended up in the bar, getting rather drunk. I had over half a pint left, and he asked me if he could have another one. I said it was up to him - if he wanted a drink to order one, but it wasn't up to me to say he had had enough. He got very arsey with me, and it basically ended in a big argument. Seems he still wants another mother!!

Now he has gone - I am not sure if he will be back or not. I tried to initiate a serious conversation with 'We can't go on like this, it's not doing either of us any good' and he panicked - I think he thought I wanted to get back together. I refused to mention the D word - I probably should have done, but I am just so fed up with being the one who makes all the decisions - even now - so I just left it. He asked if i didn't want him to visit any more, but I just got annoyed and said what did he think, and it was not just my decision to make. And so, no decision was made. hey ho, nice to know nothing has changed.

Went belly dancing again last night, which was fun fun fun! I need to get into the habit of it, because it is fun, and also some exercise, even if not rigorous. Today, have been out with Sexy Eric. He rang me 1t 12.30, sounding very rough, saying he was hung over, and did I want to meet him for lunch after he had had some Tylenol and a shower. So we went to greasy diner for greasy diner food, then went for a walk to Burger King so he can have a 'Slurpy' I think they are called - an icy slush drink. He is so nice and cute and sexy and young!! And my friend! Sigh!

Going out to play tonight, going to wear the sexy top to see if I can pull LOL.

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