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Sunday, October 19, 2003

Dozy Trollop


That's me! I got all showered and cleaned up. Put on my glad rags - well as glad as I can given I could only bring two suitcases of clothes over with me. Luckily I hadn't started on the slap. I suddenly realised I had no idea where the party was I am going to. And I don't have the phone number of the girl who is hosting it. What a dumb blonde I am! So, stayed in with a nice bottle of white wine, like a saddo.

However, while online I saw one of my X's friends come online. I haven't spoken to him since me and X split. Now, this is a bit of a long tale. Keith was best man at our wedding. Me and Keith have a 'history'. I am sure I am not the first bride to have slept with the best man, but there can't be many where the groom not only knows, but was out with us the night it happened! This was many years ago, and was actually a year before me and the X got together. Keith was down for a few days staying with X. I had met him once before, the last time he had been down, and we had had a very flirty time together, getting on really well, until we were walking home, and went for the obligatory kebab. Trying to impress me, Keith had said he would have the same as me. Now I am a 'loads of chilli sauce, no salad' kind of gal, and this place did the hottest chilli sauce I have ever seen, before or since. So, I got him the same as mine. And he couldn't eat it. And he went home in shame.

Anyway, the second time me and Keith met, he also had some other friends with him. X and Keith and these other friends had come to our house, and then to our local pub before we went out clubbing. These other friends decided they wanted to go home (think they had just started going out and wanted an empty house to shag in) so the X walked them back to his as they didn't know the way. Keith had said "That's ok, I'll stay here, Ann will look after me won't you?"

Off we went to the club, and all got very drunk and had the great time that could only be had at the Hungry Years on a student night. That was until this guy I sort of knew came up to me, gleefully telling me my ex had just got engaged to the bitch he had been nailing while he was going out with me. This was just 8 months previously. And me, in my sophisticated way, acted all cool. And hit the cider big time. My friend came up and asked me what was up, and as cool as I was, I burst into tears. "Shithead has just got engaged to the bitch". Keith, watching this, did what every male trying to get into any woman's knickers did, and spoiled me rotten. Well, bought me more drinks. And of course, I did the only polite thing. And took him home with me.

He left early the next morning, in a of a rush, which I thought was a bit odd, but fair enough, he had to get back to Essex and was driving. Well, it turns out he had to get back to pretend he had got home with the X, because the friends he was with were best friends of his girlfriend! Given the nature of my upset the night before, I was not best pleased. Keith then did attempt to write to me to thank me for looking after him, but that letter 'got lost in the post'.

A year later, I got together with the X. When he told Keith, his reaction was "Hey, that's great. But if you get married, I want to be best man, because I will be best man for the job". And so he was.

Keith has not been especially lucky in his love life. He has been engaged twice. Both times were troublesome. He recently went back with his first fiancee, but she was married with kids. She left her husband in the end, but inevitably it didn't work out. One time he was with the second fiancee (second time they were engaged) we were up in Newcastle staying with the inlaws. We had gone out to the local pub for an all day session, and were getting drunk. Keith and I always go and play the fruit machine when we meet, so off we had gone. It is a very flirty relationship - not surprising given the history, and there being no secret about it either - but even I was uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going. He even made comment to "the next time we sleep together" like it was a definite. At this time I was happily married to his best friend! I was so uncomfy, I even told the X, which I am not sure was the right thing to do or not, but it really was making me uncomfy, and even thick skinned X had noticed.

Anyway, that long ramble and history lesson brings me to tonight. We were chatting about our lives. He asked if I was back in England, and I said yes. Then he says, "By the way, you owe me an orgasm". Huh? How come? Did I miss something? Apparently, that night many (and I mean MANY) years ago, I had one more orgasm than him. I am flattered he remembers that far back (we are talking 16 years) and from just one night. But isn't this somewhat inappropriate? I am still technically married to his best friend. And even I am not so insensitive as to ever sleep with one of the X's friends, even now we are split up.

It is a shame, because Keith is a fun bloke to spend time with. I would like to be friends with him - go and stay with him, and him come down here and we could go out drinking and dancing and generally having a laugh. But now I don't think this would be a good idea somehow. Men! Always thinking with their little head, rather than their big head!!!

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