Saturday, November 29, 2003

Foolish me

Even though he is an asshole, and he gave me no support when we were together, and gives me no support now, he turns to me for support, and bugger me, I still give it.

His brother has found a lump. On his testicle. He has to have it removed. The testicle. Not just the lump.

Now that is bloody awful. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And X is upset, and turning to me for support and sympathy and just an ear for him. And I am ginving it to him. Because I know he is upset and worried. But a big part of me is beating myself up because the arsehole never did this for me when I needed it.

I was on the phone to my friend K for an hour tonight, and I told him about the friend' having a baby text. Bless him, he is all defensive and says that that is just X - he is not nasty or malicious, just downroguth thoughtless. And selfish - wanting for himself what he is not prepared to give.

And I will not stop giving him support - simply because I am who I am. And while I am annoyed with myself for doing it, I would hate myself even more if I didn't/

And fucking sparkling red wine is ace. Especially when you move to chocolate vodak and tia maria on ice afterwards......

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