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Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Revelations


Okay, I think I might have been just a little bit stupid here, but I had a couple of revelations/insights to X over the weekend.

First - I seem to remember some discussion on somebody else's blog (either Paul or Pob I think) about jealousy and possessiveness.

One of the things I always admired about X was his total lack of possessiveness. One of the things I always thought great about him was the night we were out in a club and my ex-bf turned up, blatantly unaware that I was then with X, completely making a play for me. X just stepped back, and let the ex flirt/dance with me. I totally respected him for that - thought he was stepping back and letting me sort out my own feelings.

Okay, a little late in getting to this but I realised at the weekend - he was just doing what he always did. He was backing away from confrontation. Nothing to do with his own security and his trust and respect for me. All to do with his own 'running away' mentality, the way he was for our whole marriage.

I can't believe it too me this long to realise it.

And the second thing is not so much a revelation, as just bloody annoying.

X has joined a slimming club. The reason? One of his girlies is getting depressed about being overweight, yet didn't want to go to a slimming club on her own. Yet for the whole time we were married I was battling a weight problem, and he never, ever showed the slightest bit of support for me.

Bastard.

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