Monday, June 07, 2004


Well, what a weekend. Sometimes I really hate my family.

Travelled up there on Saturday morning, to see them for my birthday and go out for dinner. Saturday wasn't too bad, although I really hate the way my sister undermines my nephews confidence (and my nieces too, when she is around - she was staying with a friend though so I didn't see her).

One example - my nephew was later home than expected after helping the scouts out with the stall at the town fair. The reason? He walked a 10 year old scout home, and when they got there his parents weren't in. So my nephew waited with him until his parents turned up. My sister was actually proud of this, and using it to brag about what a nice, helpful, caring son she has.

Then discussion turns to how one of his friends, who he hasn't seen much of because he has a girlfriend, and my nephew doesn't. His girlfriend was away for the week, so he called on my nephew to spend time with. My nephew openly admits he is aware this isn't nice behaviour, but he likes his friend, and he has fun when they are together, so he did spend time with him. My sister (and my mother) really tell him off, tell him how he is just being used, he should tell this friend to take a hike and just ignore him.

Now - to me, the connection between these two things is obvious, yet when I pointed out to my sister that she either has the type of son who is nice enough to wait with a 10 year old boy until his parents turn up, or the type of son who tells a friend to bugger off. She can't have both.

Another example - although nephew wasn't there when my sister discussed this. He is studying for his A levels. He has his first year A level exams this week. She is worried about him not studying enough. She then gets annoyed telling me how their neighbour is head of physics at another school and has offered to help my nephew with his Chemistry, yet my nephew won't go round there for help. Apparently I am supposed to get indignant at this, and say what a silly boy he is. She wasn't happy when I asked what she would have done when she was 17 and studying for her A level chemistry and mom had suggested she go to one of the neighbours. One of her long pauses, followed by admitting she wouldn't have gone for help either.

And then we come to my mother. I am so fucking angry. I had to really bite my tongue, and make a dignified exit, because if I had said something it quite possibly would have been the last thing I ever said to her.

I went out to the garage to help my dad with something. I noticed that 'our' (mine and X's) dining room table is still in their garage. When I ask what it's doing there, apparently X had said he didn't want it, and it was up to my mom and dad what they wanted to do with it. Now, I am really angry about this. He did it with the bed. He just pushed away everything when he left, and is expecting my family to clear it up for him. If he didn't want the table, I could have had it 2 years ago. Or even my parents could have had it 8 months ago, rather than sitting in their garage. My dad's comment was that X didn't know he didn't want it then.

Then during lunch, my mother starts talking about X, and what he's doing, and how he is getting on and how is his house like we are still living in each other's pockets. Conversation turns to the table, and my mother gets indignant with me for getting upset because 'poor X' didn't know what he wanted. When I pointed out that 2 years ago he walked away with nothing of our life together, he ran away like he always did from anything unpleasant, and left me to deal with everything, and he was still doing it and the only reason he didn't want the table was because he had forgotten about it, and not because he made an informed decision about whether he wanted it or not. My mother then starts having a go. The reason X left was because he had such a horrible time, I have to understand that he had had a bad time of it, and it was down to me to understand him and his problems. What the fuck???? Where the fuck was his understanding of me? Why am I expected to have dealt with his problems, and obviously that is why he left me because if I had been more understanding then we would still be together.

She is supposed to be my mother.

Supposed to be on my side.

No matter what, she is supposed to leap to my defence.

Not to his.

And definitely not to blame me for his problems.

If I wasn't so damn upset I would be angry.

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